I have no real friends here yet. I guess its just because I have not yet accepted the fact that I am living in california. The life I loved is gone, the people, the places. I miss it so bad. I remember having to wait up for my dad at night to make sure HE got home ok. Shouldn't he have been doing that for me?? God how I truly miss him. He was there when no one else was, always took care of me no matter what. He dried my tears when he was crying inside just as bad. I hate my mom for leaving us. She will never know the pain that she caused our family. She didnt even care to say good-bye to me! I wish someday she would call me so I could just sit there and bitch at her about everything that she has done. But no, I would probably end up crying hysterically and hating myself about it afterwards. God how I hate her so much! But its not even possible because you can't hate someone you no longer know. I bet if I were to walk past her on the street I wouldn't even recognize her. Better off that way I guess. I really just hate what she did to my dad. I will never be living with him again even though I want to so much. Kora wont let me but I know that is only because she wants what is safe for me.
Ah I now can't get chicago off my mind. That beautiful skyline that I used to be able to see from out apartment. Beautiful (Sadly I still have not moved on.) Aww I even miss B96. I went to the Taste of Chicago for the last time this summer before I left and that was the best thing, the best food and the last major thing I ever got to do with my dad.
Throughout my life I have only had four real friends that have always seemed to be there and that I can always talk to. They are the best- Lauren, Bianka, Kendall and Angel{male}. I got an email from Angel earlier today and it was so long that I almost didn't even read it. He talked about how everyone missed me so much and life seemed harder without me there for them, but now, hopefully, better for me. "You are beautiful and no one will ever forget someone as sweet as you." Just words. Remember I have no feelings. When they come back, someone will come by and hurt me all over again and my depression will slowly kill me. But I was crying by the time I finished reading it. Angel has a way to him. He is the one that all the girls want but dont keep for long and he has never had a serious relationship. I think we get along so well because we never went out. He is the sweetest but is also the biggest flirt. God how I miss my friends.
Lyndsay just got home so she is making me go shopping with her. How fun that girl is a guy magnet so I get to watch her get hit on for the rest of the night. Oo yea cant wait.